Inside a Coaching Conversation: Making a life-value based decision

One of my clients had been working as a digital nomad for the past five years. Freedom was one of his core values: the ability to move, to choose where he lives, to work in a way that fits his own rhythm. At the beginning of our sessions, he just returned to his home country for some administrative tasks, as well as to spend some time with family and friends. But, when we had our third session, he told me that something unexpected came up: A job opportunity.

He then decided to explore this in the session, as he was unsure what to do. Saying yes to this job would mean staying, and staying meant giving up the freedom he had built his life around: the freedom to travel and to structure his time, because this was a nine-to-five role.

So he decided to explore this dilemma in the session, with a goal to come up with a decision, as he needed to have the answer about the job offer soon.

I asked what are his values, other than freedom At first, he couldn’t clearly articulate what his life values were. However, through the conversation, another value began to emerge: growth, self-development, the desire to learn, to challenge himself, to do something he hadn’t done before.

Now there were two things in front of him: freedom or growth. This was the root of his confusion, as both are his life values. So I asked him: Which one feels more important to you, right now?

It wasn’t an immediate answer but as he reflected, something became clearer. He chose growth. This job opportunity was asking something of him that he hadn’t explored before. It felt unfamiliar, slightly uncomfortable, but also meaningful.

And then I asked him something else:

What do you notice in your body when you talk about this opportunity now with me? He paused, and then he said: he felt excited!

That mattered not as a final answer, but as information, as something to include in the decision, rather than ignore.

From there, the decision became clear in his mind: he chose to stay.

In my coaching, I don’t tell you what decision to make, I don’t weigh the options for you or point you in a direction. What I do is help you look at different aspects of your experience, e.g your values, your thoughts, your internal responses, and stay with them long enough for something to become clearer. Sometimes it’s about naming what actually matters to you, sometimes it’s about noticing what your body is already telling you, sometimes it’s about realising that two values can be in tension. From there, you decide, and that kind of decision tends to stay with you.

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If you’re facing a life-changing decision, and you’re feeling torn between two directions, it might be because more than one value matters to you, and they’re pulling you in different ways.

Clarity doesn’t always come from finding the “right” answer. Sometimes it comes from understanding what matters most to you, right now, and allowing that to guide you.