Living Abroad: You're on Your Own, Kid

If you like the song “You’re On Your Own, Kid” by Taylor Swift, what makes you like it?

It is my favourite song in Midnight, and it feels to me like a song about living abroad --- these lyrics specifically:

--- 1 ---

“I wait patiently, he’s gonna notice me…”

In the early stages of living abroad, many of us are waiting (besides waiting for the paperwork!): waiting to be accepted, waiting to be recognised professionally, waiting to feel at home, waiting for someone, or something, to confirm that we made the right decision.

We tell ourselves: once I speak fluently, I’ll feel confident. Once I have friends, I’ll feel settled. Once my career stabilises, I’ll relax.

That's my experience, how about you? What are you waiting for? What is the story you are telling yourself? And who are you in this story?

--- 2 ---

“I hosted parties and starved my body…”

That line is sharp, to me it speaks about self-distortion, about reshaping yourself to fit in. For people living abroad, this distortion often looks more subtle: Softening your accent. Laughing at jokes you don’t fully understand. Downplaying parts of your culture. Over-performing competence so no one questions your place.

You may not be starving your body, but you might be starving your truth. Many expats I work with don’t realise how much of themselves they’ve put on hold: their native language, their self-expression and creativity, their anger, heir need for support, their cultural identity...

Integration is important, but self-erasure is not. At some point, the question becomes: What did you give up in order to survive here? And more importantly: Do you still need to?

--- 3 ---

“From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes…”

Living abroad isn’t just adaptation, it’s also about grief. You grieve the version of you who belonged somewhere effortlessly, the ease of shared cultural references, the support systems that once felt automatic.

And here’s the uncomfortable truth: even if you chose this life, you are still allowed to grieve what it cost you. Growth and grief could happen simultaneously. You can enjoy your new life and still mourn the old one. That doesn’t make you ungrateful; it makes you honest.

--- 4 ---

“You’re On Your Own, Kid.”

On the surface, that line feels lonely, and in so many ways, living abroad can be profoundly lonely: you navigate bureaucracy in another language. You rebuild networks from zero. You parent without extended family nearby. You learn to function without your familiar safety nets. In many moments, you are on your own, and it feels like you are truly on your own for the first time.

But the second half of the song reframes this to, “You always have been.” This strikes to me as the heart of coaching, the unconditional positive regard: You have always been more resourceful than you realised. You have always been capable of reinvention. You have always been the one carrying yourself forward.

Living abroad exposes that truth. It strips away illusions of dependency and forces you to meet yourself.

--- 5 ---

"Everything You Lose Is a Step You Take"

This might be the most powerful line, because when you move abroad, you might lose status, familiarity, spontaneity, certainty... But what if loss isn’t proof that something went wrong? What if loss is part of the initiation? Every step you took to build this life required letting something go. And every loss shaped a more integrated version of you, if you are willing to consciously process it. This is the difference between surviving abroad and transforming through it.

--- 6 ---

“You can face this.”

That’s a powerful line at the end of the song. I don't see it as a "toxic positivity", but rather as a grounded agency.

If you are living abroad and feel unsettled, invisible, between identities, strong on the outside but exhausted in the inside.. know that you are not failing; you are in transition. And transition is uncomfortable because it asks you to let go of who you were, before you fully know who you are becoming. That space in between is where transformation happens.