Parenting Abroad: Passing on Our Native Language to Our Children

When raising children abroad or in multilingual families, many parents wonder whether to use their native language at home. Some feel unsure, especially if the language is not widely spoken in their new country. Will it confuse the child? Will it make things harder at school? Will it even matter, when the world around them speaks something else?

I had the same hesitation. I have been living abroad since 2014, and I found myself speaking English more than my native language, Bahasa Indonesia, to the point where I don't feel like I am a native Indonesian speaker anymore (and at the same time, I am not that fluent in English either, and never live in a country where English is the main language). So, I asked myself: What’s the point of passing down a language that I rarely get to use at length anymore?

Back in 2020, during my first pregnancy, thanks to my work in a psychology journal, I got a chance to virtually connect with some language scientists. For making small talks, I usually shared that I am pregnant, how my husband and I speak different languages (my husband is Italian) and how we live in a country that speak yet another language (we lived in Bern, Switzerland, where they speak Bärndütsch in informal settings and German in formal settings. To my surprise, all these language scientists encouraged me to speak my native language with my baby anyway (even to start it already during the pregnancy), and strictly my native language (not mixing them with English, Italian, or German).

They shared me many research supporting this, and when writing this note, here are few studies I find:

Recent study suggests that bilingual children develop stronger executive functions, which is the mental skills that help with focus, flexible thinking, and problem-solving, because their brains are constantly navigating between two language systems (Sami & Ahmed, 2025).

Furthermore, neuroimaging research has shown that bilingual children display distinct structural patterns in brain regions involved in language, learning, and cognitive control, including the cerebellum and subcortical areas (Nguyen et al., 2023). In other words, the brain itself adapts and grows with the gift of multiple languages.

Children exposed to their heritage language also develop greater linguistic flexibility, which also supports their learning in the majority language (Karaca et al., 2025).

A study on heritage language children, meaning children growing up with a heritage language at home (e.g., Indonesian in my case) and a majority language in society (e.g., Italian in my case) found that:

• Exposure to the heritage language helps children develop stronger predictive language processing skills.

• These skills support their ability to understand and process the majority language more efficiently, not less.

• Heritage language exposure contributes to overall linguistic flexibility, not confusion or delay.

  
  

In short: maintaining the home language supports broader language development, including the dominant societal language. What we pass down at home doesn’t take away from their learning. Instead it enriches it.

Language is also never just about words. There is a saying in Indonesian, "bahasa menunjukkan bangsa ", which literally means "language shows nation". Our language carries our culture, humour, lullabies, ways of showing affection. Speaking to children in our mother language also builds a natural bridge to grandparents, extended family, and our roots. Even when a language is not widely spoken, it connects children to their heritage in ways that cannot be replaced.

In my own little family, I’ve seen how the intonation, rhythm, and expressions of my native language bring comfort and familiarity. It gives my children a sense of belonging that no other language can quite replicate. Every bedtime story, every phrase of encouragement, plants seeds of identity that, I hope, will stay with them wherever life takes them.

However, I also learn to accept that my children will not have speak Indonesian as fluent as Italian. Their thinking language would be Italian. Most likely between themselves, they will prefer to speak Italian than Indonesian. And, I am also accepting that they speak Indonesian with somewhat Italian accent and intonation!

At the same time, I know how difficult it can be. When we live far from home, when our daily work and friendships are in another language, it’s natural to question whether it’s worth the effort. Parenting itself already takes so much patience and resilience; doing it away from our roots brings its own unique struggles.

If you sometimes feel the weight of these questions, you’re not alone. And it’s in moments like these that support can make a difference: having someone to share your feelings with, to help you see your options more clearly, and to walk with you as you take decisions and move forward. Because in the end, whether through language or through the other choices we make, we are always building bridges for ourselves, for our children, and for the future we want to create.

I’d love to hear your thoughts: Have you tried passing on your native language to your children? What has your experience been like while parenting abroad?

Karaca F, Brouwer S, Unsworth S, Huettig F. Child heritage speakers’ reading skills in the majority language and exposure to the heritage language support morphosyntactic prediction in speech. Bilingualism: Language and Cognition. Published online 2025:1-14. doi:10.1017/S1366728925000331

Nguyen, M. V. H., Xu, Y., Vaughn, K. A., & Hernandez, A. E. (2023). Subcortical and cerebellar volume differences in bilingual and monolingual children: An ABCD study. Developmental Cognitive Neuroscience, 65, 101334. DOI: 10.1016/j.dcn.2023.101334 Sami, R., & Ahmed, M. (2025). Neurocognitive and linguistic development in bilingual children: A cross-sectional study on the impact of dual language exposure in 100 Egyptian children. Middle East Current Psychiatry, 32, Article 47. https://doi.org/10.1186/s43045-025-00547-5